Tired Heart

I've always associated myself with the word patient and forgiving, because I believe that I am. But I also know that I am not perfect. I could be patient, but my patience doesn't last a lifetime. I could be forgiving, but I cannot forgive if I'm still hurting.

It dawned on me today that my patience does not exist anymore, that the wound is still too painful to offer forgiveness and anger is too strong to ignore. I realized, it's either I ignore the existence of one person and co-exist, or declare war, force a win and perhaps lose my values. So I kept my distance. I chose, not to co-exist. I chose to excommunicate and declare an unfathomable barrier in between two walls.

I thought I've only got to do this to one person, but NO, maybe the world holds too many holes for exceptional psychologically challenged beings (That's my own description, no medical basis. LOL). Now I've known two. One I cannot trust about anything anymore, and decided to not join in any social functions outside professional obligations. And another, as of this moment, is the one person I don't want to be in any room with.

I never really thought that there would be someone I'll have too many reasons to stay out of, that I'll be too irritated to keep cool and that even the sight of her name would bring an overflowing sadness and pain. Until today. When I was confronted with a situation to be in the same place with this person. I kept my cool, but kept my distance as well. Never turned around and kept myself away from where this person is. I never, not even thought of, putting my self in the same room with. That's how disgusted and disappointed I am...

But hey, don't yet judge this person, nor me. It has been a series of misunderstandings that lead to a rude ending. That made my heart grew tired of forgiving and my patience depleted like a tire stabbed for so many times, for trying to keep turning as I drove home.

And so it was ENOUGH. Enough, so I stopped. Stop when I should and to remain as it is...

That, until I can...