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I've always associated myself with the word patient and forgiving, because I believe that I am. But I also know that I am not perfect. I could be patient, but my patience doesn't last a lifetime. I could be forgiving, but I cannot forgive if I'm still hurting. It dawned on me today that my patience does not exist anymore, that the wound is still too painful to offer forgiveness and anger is too strong to ignore. I realized, it's either I ignore the existence of one person and co-exist, or declare war, force a win and perhaps lose my values. So I kept my distance. I chose, not to co-exist. I chose to excommunicate and declare an unfathomable barrier in between two walls. I thought I've only got to do this to one person, but NO, maybe the world holds too many holes for exceptional psychologically challenged beings (That's my own description, no medical basis. LOL). Now I've known two. One I cannot trust about anything anymore, and decided to not join in an...

One night, it was so tight, so irritating and so painful... My heart that is... I don't seem to understand why does it seem to have a need to feel sad and disappointed... Then I decided to admit that I am... But I had a hard time determining the why... or is it the which? I guess when you have too much emotions put on something, it's either you get too sensitive or too numb.. and I believe I'm a little of both... But to which of which, that I cannot yet answer... But my dilemma remains, how do I get myself to feel better? When I was younger, this more often than not, works... To cry so d*** hard 'til it hurts to breathe and the chest pain is too hard to describe.. Then you'll stop the crying, the pain will start to ease very slowly 'til there's no more...  And so I tried this one more time... I cried, and cried and cried 'til it hurts so bad... Then I looked at the mirror for consolation... I did cry again, for no particular reason, but confusions ...